Strange Solace

Into the blank I stare,

To appease the roaring thoughts bizarre,

There will appear patterns strange,

Unappeased will remain thoughts, out of range.

Yet a strange solace this stare provides,

Giving a glimpse of inner still that resides,

Diminished glimpse of it generates ecstasy extreme,

Words don't describe it however hard you scream.

Desire persists to arrest this moment forever,

Elusive is its nature and futile all efforts appear,

Tranquillity immense for a slight glance one can find,

Post capture, unimaginable might be joy beyond mind.

Inexplicable

Here I sit like a swine,
With no zilch of idea what times define
A huge call to find the divine,
Equal is force of materials which entwine

In this tension of contrary forces,
I lay shattered
Thoughts,emotions, self and relations
everything totally cluttered.

Totally indolent, with no purpose,
I carry out my duties
Without any distinction
between ample identities

I flow with thoughts,
losing myself to the practice.
And the transition to lower level
happens without any notice.

Self contempt

The wicked one
resides within.
Ridiculing every time
after its win.

With the ego
it always persists,
whose actual base
never exists.

Cheap nature is
what its wearing.
On inner peace
its always feeding.

Hard is battle
with its negativity.
Because easy is fall
for its luring gravity.

Temporary is the joy
after its victory,
because longing afterward
always presents us misery.

Probably, this war is the one
which keeps us alive n occupied.
Without this combat within,
existence is totally ossified.

Futility of success

I had tasted it after a long time...! it was scrumptious.... utterly delicious. Though in a small amount i had a glimpse of it after almost 3 years. I reiterate, a real small amount. I had experienced success after such a long time. I wanted more of it. But still that joy seemed superficial. I was unable to identify myself with it.  

And this made me think hard about it. A lot of thought went in. N i wondered what actually this success is?Is it when people congratulate you? Why do people congratulate in the first case? Its because you have won.. N what is this winning? Its the result of competition...!

Winning is a proof that u are better than the whole lot of people out there who had participated in competition. Is this feeling ,that" I am better than others" called Success..? And there is so much of effort going in just to make yourself better then others and get that feeling of superiority. To me, it seems faulty and erroneous somewhere, n may be that's why i feel the joy was superficial. But then,this question lingered, wat is real success all about? 

Its in learning things.. the ecstasy that occurs when real learning happens n understanding dawns. Its in enjoying the process to reach the goal, like its said, "Journey is the destination."
Being present in journey absolutely alive enjoying each n every part of it. There the real happiness of success persists.

I was shaken out of my reverie, when all of a sudden this thought emerged.
If this is real success.. why did i want more of that superficial success, although i wasn't able to identify myself with it ? It was paradoxical. N as i contemplated more, answer gradually surfaced. That, its here where the deeper understanding comes to light. N what is it about? The play of ego. Once ego is belittled, then the concept of taking life as a "Play" can be adopted. And at this point, any success and failure don't matter. No worries if u are commended or condemned. You go on playing with total joy. A playfulness arises and life becomes a dance... a continuous dance..!! N u flow rhythmically in sync with it.